5 Common Sex Myths for Couples
- courtneyhkotze
- Jan 15
- 4 min read
Isn’t it funny that something so natural to humans is a topic that is often avoided or completely misrepresented? Sex myths are as old as time, and it’s time that we come clean.
Now, first thing’s first: who am I to debunk these sex myths? Hi! I’m Courtney - your certified sex and intimacy coach. Hopefully, this blog post will bring you some helpful insights and facts into your sex life, and maybe even encourage you to explore your sexual desires without any hesitations. Let’s get to it!
5 Common Sex Myths Debunked:
Sex Needs to Be Penetrative
*Donald Trump voice* Wrong!
Sex is about connection, pleasure, and intimacy - not just penetration. Kissing, touching, mutual exploration and other forms of intimacy can be just as meaningful and satisfying.
Plus, this way of thinking is completely biased toward heterosexual relationships. Sex comes in many beautiful shapes and forms, and it’s something that deserves to be approached with curiosity and excitement. Claiming that it’s an act that’s purely penetrative leaves out about 70% of the fun!
You should always be in the mood if you love your partner
Absolutely not. Not only is your libido more complex than simply taking into account your love for your partner, but it also ebbs and flows depending on a myriad of things. Plus, has your partner ever driven you so crazy that you need time to cool off? It doesn’t mean you love them any less, but good luck to them if they come near you. Am I right or am I right?
At the end of the day, intimacy and love are complicated and not mutually exclusive.
You don’t need toys in the bedroom
From a neo-tantric point of view, whatever you need to feel safe and comfortable while exploring your sexuality - go for it.
You do you! Does it feel good? Amazing, love that for you. Don’t care for them? Great, discovering what feels pleasurable on your body is an amazing way to build connections with your partner and yourself.
On the flip side, a part of me does want to throw it out there that some toys can promote desensitisation - especially in the clitoral area. The only reason why I am highlighting this is because the clitoris is full of delicate nerves that can be stimulated in many incredible ways.
In neo-tantra and the strategies I teach, the belief is that orgasms and pleasure can be a full-body experience rather than a short and localised feeling. With this in mind, the touch techniques I explore encourage igniting the body’s various sensations in ways that it isn’t used to and piquing its interest with each move. Toys can definitely be a part of this process - explore what feels good to you and run with it!
You need to be spontaneous and passionate
While spontaneous sex is undeniably exciting, it’s not the holy grail of intimacy that many make it out to be and possibly the most pressurising of all the common sex myths. In reality, expecting passion to strike out of the blue all the time can set unrealistic expectations and leave you feeling disconnected when life gets busy.
The truth is, scheduling intentional time for your relationship can be incredibly effective in fostering deeper connection and intimacy. By carving out dedicated moments to be together, you create space to truly focus on each other, away from the distractions of daily life. This intentionality allows for anticipation to build, which can be just as thrilling as spontaneous encounters, and it reinforces the idea that your relationship is a priority.
Plus, it gives you time to set the space, prepare the mind, and sort out the body.
You need to orgasm for sex to be pleasurable
Hear me out: sex isn’t just about an orgasm - it’s about connecting with your partner and feeling a level of intimacy that can’t be expressed in any other way.
By focusing solely on the release of an orgasm, we risk overlooking the journey and all the moments that make sex a uniquely bonding moment. Shifting your focus to the connection, rather than the climax, allows you to be fully present with your partner, enhancing not just your physical intimacy but your emotional one too.
Okay, But How Do I Actually Have Better Orgasms and Build a Deeper Connection?
Good question!
Great sex and meaningful intimacy don’t just happen - they’re built with intention, curiosity, and a willingness to grow together. That’s where Make It Intimate comes in.
Through personalised coaching, I’ll help you:
Understand what you want and need: Learn to communicate your desires in a way that feels natural and empowering for you and your partner.
Break through intimacy blocks: We’ll explore what’s holding you back; whether it’s stress, body confidence, or lingering resentment - and work through it together.
Expand your pleasure potential: From exploring touch to learning new ways to connect, I’ll show you how to rediscover your body and embrace what feels good for you.
Build rituals of connection: Create habits and moments that strengthen your bond outside the bedroom, which naturally leads to more fulfilling intimacy inside it.
Whether you’re a new parent adjusting to life postpartum, a couple stuck in the routine of daily life, or just feeling like you’ve lost some of the magic, I’ll help you find your way back to each other - and yourself.
Would you like to find out more? Book a free consultation call below to see how we can work together!
